Greasy Hair, Kinda Don't Care

Riding the rollercoaster of being perceived online and redefining labels.

Ughh. That’s the best sound to describe my current dip in mood and motivation. Although expected, it’s no less frustrating. If you find yourself retreating from life on a monthly basis and you’re someone with a period, definitely read on…

I call this ADHD phenomenon, “hermit mode”.

Imagine a house of cards being stacked on top of one another, card by card, with each new addition causing a slight sway of the whole precariously piled deck. Usually around the three-week mark, the carpet is pulled out and everything slides down.

This cyclical downfall is my Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).

Countless (diagnosed and undiagnosed) women and AFAB individuals with ADHD have experienced the lifelong challenge of sudden ‘moodiness, sadness, irritability, and fuzzy thinking’. Every month, we are navigating the sudden loss of estrogen causing a decrease in serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. This can lead to an avoidance of tasks, people, work, and social media.

The notion of being perceived feels like a physical onslaught of expectation.

Are you starting to see the problem? Part of my job is showing up online.

My experience of PMDD is hollow and heavy. The first sign is avoidance of all the parts of my day that I usually find motivating and fun. I’ll need to move the task to the next day and then the next; hoping that by the time I’m able to step out of this funk, I’ll be able to manage the increasingly larger workload of procrastinated and delayed to-dos. The world around you keeps going, unaware of the invisible mud that you’re dragging yourself through to complete the basics.