the kind of reader that I'm searching for has been looking for a compassionate guide...
you will not find a magical antidote in these chapters, but you may find acceptance
Eight years ago, Emily Anhalt, delivered a TEDx Talk at the Syracuse University on ‘The Trouble with Normal: My ADHD the Zebra. I found a quote that really resonated with me (and my coaching clients) shared by @OMGImAutisticAF - and perhaps inspired by the original talk:
Why do you need a label?
Because there is comfort in knowing you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can’t find community with other zebras if you don’t know where you belong. And because it is impossible for a zebra to be a happy and healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse.
In her role as a psychotherapist, Emily shared that she works with people who “have spent their entire lives trying to mitigate, medicate, or eliminate traits that, in and of themselves, might not have been so harmful to them if they had been received with love and warmth - or at least patience and acceptance.” I see this too, reflected in my coaching sessions, where clients have developed an obsessive belief that they’ll be of more value if they can just be better, do more, try harder, work longer…
I’m here to reject those beliefs. Your value and worth is not determined by others. You get to reject these beliefs too. You can decide that it is safe to meet yourself where you’re at - right now. Despite the ableist workplaces, friendships, or societal messages that tell you otherwise.
Compassion is developed with practice and it certainly isn’t an inherently easy skill. I’ve worked with hundreds of coaching clients who have developed a negativity bias and lowered self esteem from decades of negative messages. These become a cruel internalised critic with a habit of commenting on their inconsistent access to energy and motivation.
“If you wanted it enough, you could start.”
“If you were committed enough, you would show up.”
This writer is looking for the adults who are done with being preyed upon by the online social media grifters, capitalising on your pain points and desires. They want to dangle *the solution carrot* in front of your face and charge you to eat it.
They tell you that your executive function challenges (your cognitive processes impacted by ADHD) with task initiation, inhibition, planning, prioritising, organisation, memory, time management, and emotional regulation… can be “fixed” with a digital template, exercise regime, or productivity app. No matter how many aesthetically pleasing notion templates I collect, it won’t change the fundamental differences in the functioning of my frontal lobe.
That’s where compassion is key.
For when I inevitably forget or lose interest in my most recent tool.
For when I desire a rotation of the motivation strategy I’ve been using.
For when I lose track of time and skip the latest exercise trend.
For when I’m experiencing a low mood in my luteal phase and cbf.
All this to say that your neurotype is simply one of many in a neurodiverse world and that I for one am fucking glad that the concept of “neuronormative” [one “normal” way of functioning in this world] is finally being challenged. It’s time for us all to walk a more compassionate path, and I would be privileged to act as your guide.
Again, as this is one of my very first introductory articles, if you’re open to supporting my SubStack serial chapter publishing journey, you can:
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Sending you love and wonder,
Ceri Sandford
ADHD Compassion Coach
PS: Whopping big thank you to Liz for becoming a paid subscriber. You can imagine all of my happy tears and happy dances. Haha. I appreciate you!!