creative constipation
feeling stuck in 'not good enough-ness'
If you are a neurodivergent person who has also been painfully second-guessing your work with the belief that ughhh, that’s just not good enough, this article might help to break you free and inspire you to acknowledge this as a passing season or feeling.
First of all, I want to take a moment to recognise my privilege as a:
consistently inconsistent neurodivergent content creator,
compassionate coach and LIVE group program facilitator,
and an entrepreneur who runs her full-time business from home,
with an unbelievably thoughtful, kind, and supportive husband.
Fortunately, my nervous system has recovered from five years of severe stress, constant pressure, and heightened anxiety from working as a full-time teacher.
Creative constipation feels like a blip in comparison to all that… but it’s also a valid part of my job now as a full-time digital entrepreneur. Pushing out? Straining? Not recommended by gastroenterologists if you’re physically constipated (the metaphor is really coming to life now) — and I wouldn’t recommend it for your content either.
The fact is: my ability to pay bills relies on my ability to create.
So, do less? No, thank you. This multifaceted career is my dream come true. I get to dip my creative toe in every style of storytelling - writing, photographing, scripting, filming, recording, editing, and curating. All different forms of expression that allow me to continue sharing the same core truth.
Late-discovered neurodivergent women and gender diverse people need compassionate support as they rebuild their self-trust after years of believing that they were flawed, lazy, broken, or that something was wrong with them.
So, I went into my HERMIT MODE for most of April - instead of listening to the noisy (seriously, non-stop) neurotypical “girl boss” nonsense online in the form of constant unsolicited motivational speeches that state with zero nuance that “we should all be disciplined, committed, and consistent”.
Here’s how I supported myself into showing up again.
My coaching style involves getting curious without judgement and offering genuine unconditional compassion rather than defaulting to criticism. Unfortunately, humans have a dramatic tendency to make cruel assumptions and assign heavy blame whenever there is problem.
A strategy I teach inside my group program, ‘Embrace Your ADHD Chaos’ is to learn how to flick the compassion switch by intentionally choosing to challenge your A.N.T’s: Automatic Negative Thoughts. The pesky line of thinking that is programmed to protect us by replaying brutal beliefs designed to keep us safe by playing it small.
It comes with a particularly pessimistic negativity bias that looks for the worst in every situation. It’s one sole job is to look out for proof that you’re always doing it wrong or that this will never work. Like a pompous lawyer, it stands up in court to present all the circumstantial and weak evidence it has found, trying to prove the point that you cannot, should not, and must not do this.
Here’s what I write out on paper in one of my many (maybe too many) journals full of compassionate comebacks and validating arguments:
Maybe you can’t write this book.
More than 45,000 words of evidence says otherwise. Need more? I printed out 16 pages of testimonials from neurodivergent readers who want a book written specifically by Ceri Sandford because of my personal lived-experience, my wisdom as a late-diagnosed woman, my compassionate voice, my unique perspective, my unique style of communication, and my background in teaching. Yes, I reviewed and printed out those statements and they’re up on my writing inspiration wall. Keeping this kind of positive feedback loop visible and front of mind is essential.
Maybe you should go back to teaching.
It’s a special job, but this is exactly where I’m meant to be right now. This year more than ever I’ve been tuning out of listening to the opinions of others and tuning into my intuition. The inner-voice that whispers, ‘this is the year you write that book’. That’s all the assurance I need to keep going. Focusing on what matters to me, rather than racing to meet someone else’s suggested goal-posts.
Maybe you don’t have what it takes to run a business.
60% of small business in Australia fail within the first few years. I didn’t. I adapted. I became obsessed with progress rather than results. Looking at this imperfect business will always fill me with an abundance of joy, pride, and happy tears because it’s proof that I could take an idea and make it a reality. There wasn’t support for teachers, so you made a safe space where they could uplift each other. There wasn’t enough education after a diagnosis, so you designed a program that helps women understand their neurodivergent differences without shame.
In life, one of my beliefs is that we should never leave a kind word unsaid. I would like to add to that - we should never leave any inner-criticism unchallenged. Although we (both you and I) cannot change our hyper-critical past, we can repeatedly choose to create a more compassionate future. Validating our need to slow down. Allowing our desire to do things differently. Honouring the dips and peaks of our rollercoasters.
Swapping pressure for play
Here’s what I created as a result of reducing the pressure and playing with new ideas. Teaching myself how to use new cameras, try editing software, and lean into what I wanted - rather than blindly following the advice of someone else.
If you’re one of those I’m compassionate to everyone but myself kind of people, then try putting the inner-critic’s words down on paper - and challenge them. If a friend said that to you, how would you respond? I mean, how would you respond in your head for the next 48 hours as you replay every kind of rebuttal that you wish you had said in the moment but got too flustered to articulate.
Remember, thoughts aren’t facts.
Set the record straight.
If you need more pep talks, I recommend listening to or reading this previous article to give you the facts on all the executive functioning differences that are impacting your motivation, energy, focus, and emotions on any given day.
Now, this article ended up being ginormous - so I’ve split it up. In the next part, you’ll learn about the stressors that were directly causing my creative constipation and how I spent time validating them ALL as real and heavy and hard. These words ‘validate / validating / validation’ come up all the time in my writing because you and I as late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults (not to mention, women and gender diverse people or combination of Autistic and ADHD) were INVALIDATED for decades.
This matters. Your validation matters. Your experience matters.
Alright, time to jump off my soap box. Hehe.
OH! Also, my podcast is finally returning for season 3 soon.
You can catch up on all the other episodes here.
And if no one has told you lately, subscribe to my YouTube channel. Just kidding.
YOU ARE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.
Sending you so much compassion,
Ceri Sandford
ADHD Compassion Coach
PS: Video #3 is dropping soon. Here’s the hint.
PPS: Annoyingly my microphone didn’t connect so the quality isn’t my best.
PPPS: You’re doing better than you realise, navigating a world not designed for you.
